A Fathers Message
By John R. Hernandez. Jr. © 6/11
Oh, I am sorry, did I forget to wish all fathers out there -who have a healthy relationship with their children– a grand and memorable Fathers Day Celebration. And to all of you non-custodial -alienated- fathers out there; my heart and prayers are with you till the grave! A child should never be alienated from either parent –because- of the custodial parent’s (Antisocial Personality Disorder) a psychosomatic aberration that causes a person to be unwilling to find common ground or respect for the God given and Universal Rights of the non-custodial parent. No doubt there are plenty of men out there who don’t deserve a woman’s willingness to meet half way; since all forms of mediation have been useless –beyond- what the law would deem a reasonable doubt. However, this does not excuse either or both parents from attempting to find the means for which they can help to provide some sort of a two parent presence in both their child’s lives. Having said this, I realize that there are circumstances beyond the control of both parents that demand outside intervention –again- if both parents and the state are really acting within the goodwill-framework of the best interest of the child. They can and should look at the best interest of the child. But that is of course in the smallest of minorities from what I’ve seen. Does this sound like you?
More to say about this in future installments…..However, if you wish to study the issue of “Parental Alienation” I would refer you to one off my favorite sites, AngieMedia.com.
For follow-up on issues concerning family court reform and equal parenting news I would refer you to another of my favorite sites, Parentalrights.org
On a spiritual level I would refer you to the story of Gomer and Hosea.
Every year I am reminded of so many things especially around the holidays but never does my gut cringe, my fists swell or my heart ache as when Mothers and Fathers day celebrations roll along. I think of my dad and the promise I made to God that I would never let what had happened to me and to us as a family –happen- to my children. But sometimes, one needs more than just words, because, to some they just won’t do. Often time’s the promises that we make are broken by us. But, when they are broken by others we love and trust it can cut like a knife. Our children are our greatest treasure and they deserve every ounce of all our love. But sometimes life isn’t that simple and forces beyond our control can destroy even the best laid plans. My mom and dad had their falling out -so much so that- dad went his way and mom, well, mom was like one of those old fashion girls, she kept her distance but, hung on for the sake of the family. She tried her best to put up with his drinking and gallivanting. My dad tried to be a good father; he built beautiful hoes for her she would later describe to me as, “jut like a doll house”. But, he was from the -old school- too, but, a much different one than mom. He believed the stern arm of discipline to squelch disobedience even though he himself felt he was like so many fathers in those days -exempt from the laws he handed down- to us. Their break- up eventually grew broader -so much so- that he eventually flew to New Yorkand left it all behind; except for the other woman he had made a new home with. Mom being the stubborn kind packed all of us into that airplane and flew us to New York-never letting him forget- that he had a family and responsibilities to deal with. His stubbornness’ and hers went on and the bickering and arguing eventually seized. So much that after cutting a deal with him he was allowed to come and spend time with us; the younger ones my sister and I. I remember when he would visit and how badly I would want to taste one of those special burgers he would buy for me down at the local bowling alley or some restaurant where he’d stop to get a drink. I could see he was proud and bold in his own quiet and firm way; for those moments he got to spend with his children. I am sure he wondered back in time at the days when him and mom tried to live as equals under one roof. Their break up and the damage that it had on my soul and mind almost broke me into pieces -when I was very young. I felt the struggle within and without as I sat in front of the television set trying to hide the convulsions -I would regularly go through. You have to put yourself back into the mind of a child to remember these things because many of us block things out and forget it all. But, I chose to remember the pain and to never forget it –because- I never wanted it to happen to my children. Some thing’s in life are worth the cost of sacrifice and others we pay dearly for in the process of getting our point thru or accomplishing our goals and the fulfilling the promises we make to ourselves. Despite our imperfections our children deserve the best we can afford to offer them. The taste of that hamburger and the look on dad’s face meant the world to me, but I knew of their indifferences and moods and so I held a lot inside. Let me tell you that never a day went by that I didn’t feel left out of something and or out of place or that I just didn’t belong. I am not going to try and brainwash you into believing or transforming your believes into mine. I believe what I believe, because, ever since my childhood I felt different; I felt a calling tugging at me. Those were experiences and messages that have helped to transform my life and my walk in Christ. I look at a person and try not to judge but, if I was on some jury I would look at all the testimony and the factual proof, their words, and the repetitive recidivism of their actions and them make my informed decisions. I would never just get someone to cop a plea to something I could not prove beyond a reasonable doubt. My faith has taught me that. However today, our present day Family Court System has decided to be the judge and jury over men-in particular- with their narrow minded biased opinions and court orders. They have proven to all that they are not fit to sit in trial and to judge those it knows nothing about; simply on the whims of others who have brainwashed them into believing that theirs is the right course to take in matters concerning child support and fatherhood. Today there are many organizations out there fighting to change the status-quo and bring back the fathers into their rightful place. You see when mom and dad had their problems there wasn’t any biased FamilyCcourt Judge there to alienate him, to subjugate him to a life of indentured servitude and disregard his rights. Yes, there were arguments and yes there were court appearances eventually -after mom felt no recourse- but, there never was a judge in the land that would ever stand between a man and his children. And yes many mistakes were made back then that alienated women and made them feel helpless and abandoned. But, how did all of that ever translate into what we have today? To where many men are treated like clowns by the system, by their families and sadly by their own children. A society where, almost 90% of women get automatic custody, even if they are not able or willing to share that responsibility with the fathers of their children? No, they’d rather take him to court and sue him over child support and sit back and collect -often a big fat checks- that most of them -will have spen- on themselves and give little back to the children. If I am wrong then why are there so many children sad, alone, abandoned, on medication, committing suicide, abusing drugs, prostituting themselves, in gangs, in foster care or with their grandparents, crying themselves to sleep, bruised and abused and going hungry every day right under the noses of the welfare agents and family court judges? Often as in some cases if not many, children are bludgeoned to death or put up for foster care or farmed out to some relative, far away. But to many, its all about that check and that child becomes another dollar in their pockets and not a person anymore. These are the issues seldom talked about today. Because our society wants us to know –but, before we know it they must white wash things a little, and skip a lot of the other stuff it finds unpalatable for our ears and eyes to absorb. I was listening today at another religious program and the topic was -feminism- and the effect it has had on women. Not one word about fathers or men except for when a guest commented how the feminists helped some men’s sports programs out of schools. It seems that they were lumping together issues while at the same time trying very hard not to uncover things they had been taught to leave buried, such as the growing and debilitating Parental Alienation. Almost like those laying buried in one of my stories I posted on my https://newdawnmedia.wordpress.com website titled “Arrow Head Trail.” I never ever blamed my mother for her and dad’s troubles. I blamed the two of them. There was enough blame to go around -no one is perfect. Today, another Fathers day celebration will take place somewhere in America or some place in this world and a father’s place will be taken by another man -because the wall of parental alienation- is so powerful that it prohibits entrance to the unwanted real parent. One of the human emotions I learned in life was to know what it feels like to understand true shame. How people out there can feel no shame when they hurt a child or keep a father out of that child’s life is beyond comprehension? In my opinion it should be a crime; one that only God can understand in his infinite heart. Because, as a man, I can understand shamelessness but, it is difficult at times for me to see through all the apathy and hypocrisy of the shameless. Today during these Fathers Day celebrations throughout this land and this world -the stench of hypocrisy- from the homes and altars of this nation will rise high once again as it has at least for me over the past 30 years. No “baby” Daddy has never forgotten you; he’s always loved you -more- than you may ever know!
Below are two Petition Links to social issues that we need to get everyone to sign up to;
Link one is about helping the long term unemployed and the second link is about helping the rural poor.
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